Stay Strong
by Neocolai
Summary: "Fili is the youngest - he has the best eyes." A twist on the Goblin Caverns scene. Choices are made and Kili will sacrifice anything for his brother.


**I defy The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey for fooling me into believing Ori was the youngest twerp of the company. All this time I was deceived, and I finally looked it up.**

**LIARS!**

**For the official record – according to Tolkein, Ori is OLDER than Fili and Kili by about 50 years. **

**My life is devastated.**

**May the bird of paradise fly up Peter Jackson's nose, may an Oliphant caress him with its toes… **

**So here is a REAL version of "Goblin Caverns" from me, dedicated to making one of the Durin boys the OFFICIAL youngest of the Company.**

**But of course, Neocolai has to add a twist.**

**Thorin said that "Fili is the youngest." I renounce that statement due to the timeline as well, but I thought it would make an interesting plot twist… one of those "Dean Winchester is the older but insecure brother while Sammy has all the confidence" kind of things….**

**Hence forth, the craziest story twist I shall write of all time.**

**(Neocolai does not own the Hobbit or anything related to Tolkein's works.)**

**I blame the Muses for this.**

* * *

"_Start with the youngest!"_

Alarm shoots through Kili and he staggers forward, only to skid to a halt as Thorin pushes him back. He frantically seeks out Fili and panic trickles through him as the Goblins surge towards his brother. Fili's blue eyes flicker momentarily, but his expression masks what he feels inside.

_Calm – so calm. How can he not be panicking at a moment like this? _

Fili has always reacted with the serenity of a cool mountain stream. He hardly cried when Kili first saw him after he was born. When Kili fell out of a tree and broke his arm, it was Fili who calmed him down and ran for help. When Fili slipped in a washed out road and snapped his leg, it was Kili who fumbled anxiously and his brother who told him exactly what to do. When the ponies were taken by trolls and Thorin was fit to skin his nephews alive, Fili was the voice of reason. When the Stone Giants had separated them during the storm, Fili was the one to grab for his brother while Kili himself had frozen. When night had fallen and they had huddled together in the cave, soaked and frightened and frantic to assure themselves that the other was safe, _Fili_ was the one to promise Kili that everything would be all right.

His little brother had always been the strong one.

Clawed hands yank on Fili's arm and fear streaks past his mask, and suddenly Kili knows what he has to do. With a strangled yell he leaps forward, tearing at the Goblins' hands and snarling at them like a wolf. He knows it will not take much effort to appear weak and flimsy in their eyes. Fili has always been the stronger. Bolder. He looks years older than Kili and they have learned to accept that. Fili allows himself to be mistaken for the "heir" – the chosen one. He is protection for Kili should the next in line be targeted in an attack. He is brave and he is _perfect_, more skilled in blade and learning than Kili could ever hope to be.

But he is always the pawn, rescuing his clumsy, thickheaded brother and throwing himself into danger, until nearly everyone all of the Blue Mountains forgets that he is _not_ Thorin's true heir and begin looking to him as their hope.

Not this time.

Fili's struggles are direct: coordinated. Kili feels like a blind fish compared to his brother's control. He fights like a possessed animal, biting and lashing out at everything in his path. Pain smashes into his skull and he is brought down under a heap of squirming limbs, dazed from the rap of a bone handle against his head.

The walls spin and Kili looks up blearily, trying to focus on the hulking form moving towards them. Fili is screaming, his mask of calm vanished in the throes of desperation to reach his brother. Kili has to fight down a smile. He does not even have to try. There will be no doubt in the Goblins' minds now who is the protector.

Thorin's enraged shouts as he fights against the Goblins is droned out as the Goblin King's eyes settle on Kili. Kili the mistake. Kili the useless, witless heir who shines like a rusted axe blade in comparison to his brother's splendor.

The Goblin King chuckles: a dark, fetid sound. He nods to the Goblins yanking on Fili's arms. "Better let that one be, lads… seems to me you have the wrong Dwarf."

"_Kili_!"

Thorin's scream is ragged: anguished. Fili's shriek of terror drowns out all the rest. Wrenching against the Goblins one last time, he lashes out his hand and grabs Kili's fingers. One last time their eyes meet and Kili swallows hard as he is dragged away.

_You don't have to be strong for me anymore, Fili._

_Don't be a fool, Kili! I can take it! _

_You're not getting hurt – not this time. Not for me._

_Kili, please, I'm stronger than you think! What would Thorin say if you were killed? _

_Stay strong – they need you more than they need me right now._

"_**Kili!"**_

He is thrown to the ground, bare feet bruising his head and back as gnarled fingers spread his hands on the stone floor. The Goblin King's scepter swings in his hand and Kili groans, writhing frantically and trying to pull his arms away. _His hands – not that – anything but that, please!_ Mahal, if they take his hands away from him he will lose everything – his bow, his only way to remind himself that he is as worthy as Fili, his very _life – _he cannot bear the shame of failing Thorin in that final blow.

"_Wait!"_ Thorin's voice rings out. "Let him go! Listen to me, you putrescent worm! I will tell you what you want!"

Sharp nails dig into Kili's shoulder and he gasps. _No, no, no. You're not supposed to tell them anything, Thorin! I chose to do this – I – Mahal help me, don't do this to me, Uncle. Don't make me responsible for one more disaster._

"Willing to talk so soon, Thorin? I must say I am disappointed. I expected more sport than this."

A knife tickles the base of Kili's throat and his eyes flicker instinctively to Fili. There is no stability and comfort in his brother's eyes. There is only despair and helplessness as he watched the terrible scene unfold.

"_Kee_…"

It is the chasm between the Stone Giants again, and this time it is Fili who was frozen with fear. The thought bolsters Kili and in spite of the dread engulfing him as his fingers are spread out on the stone, he is not afraid. He is now the stronger, and Fili will be safe. It should have always been this way.

The club swings down abruptly and searing pain like the flash of lightning blinds Kili. With a shriek that tears his throat apart he jerks back and his arm slips free, jagged bone digging into skin as he cradles his hand to his chest. He cannot tell which screams are his and which are Fili's. He forces his eyes open and all he can see is red light with stars careening across his vision.

Suddenly fire consumes his hand and a wrenching scream steals what voice Kili has left. There is a broken cry and suddenly his captors part and he is pulled upright. Blackness swoops into his vision and when it clears Kili can feel his brother's arms surrounding him. _Protecting_ him, just as it had always been – ever since Fili was four and patting the tears off Kili's face after he found his brother crumpled and bruised, after several of his friends decided the "Flimsy Prince" needed motivation to better his training.

Only this time, Fili is the one who is crying.

"Kili, please, _you stupid idiot_, why did you do it? Please, Kili, look at me!"

But Kili does not want to open his eyes. He does not want to see the fragments of bone jutting out of the fiery pulp that was his right hand. He does not want to see the disappointment in Thorin's eyes – to know he has ultimately failed him.

He does not want to see Fili breaking.

"S'okay…" he hears his cracked throat whisper. "S'meant… be this way."

Crimson tinges his vision as Fili pulls him closer, sobs wracking his little brother's body as hot tears run down Kili's neck. "Kili, why? I – I could've taken it…. Why?"

The Goblin King claps the blood tinted scepter in his hands, leering down at Thorin's white, stricken face as he shrieks Kili's name and wildly struggles to reach his nephew. "I trust there will be no lies between us now."

"What more do you want?" Thorin shouts, all semblance of control vanished as the club sweeps too close to Fili's bowed head. "I offered you everything!"

The Goblin King tilts his head as though considering. "Not everything…" His grubby hand rests on Fili's head and the golden prince stiffens, clutching Kili tighter with a strangled whimper.

"I said there should be no lies between us."

He _knew_. Mahal, he had known all the time and he had chosen to –

_Mahal, no! Kili…._

The Goblin King's grin widens as Thorin falls limp, crumbling before his eyes. "Now then, Thorin… Which of these children is the younger? The half-breed, or the one you so clearly favor?"

He had known. He had always known. From the moment Thorin had sought out Fili and nodded for Dwalin to keep him out of sight, _he had known_ who was the youngest – the treasured – the one they all watched out for.

"I will bury your corpse in the ashes of your kingdom." His voice is a deadened rasp, but never has Thorin felt such resolve. His eyes are living flames. His hands are vices clenched at his side, ready to wind around the Goblin King's flabby throat until the strength fails in his arms and the light fades in the savage worm's eyes.

"I think not, Thorin," the Goblin King says languidly. "Now tell me, which do you want to live… the crippled mongrel, or the purebred?"

Rage fills Thorin and he lashes out, gnashing his teeth and spewing curses. His arms nearly slip free and with a cry of alarm the Goblins rally upon him from all sides, pinning him to the floor. He screams and swears and calls the vilest of calamities upon their race, his eyes never leaving the center of the throne room where Fili and Kili huddle like two fading stars overwhelmed by night.

"_Fili! Kil_i!"

Blinding white light fills his vision and the Goblins fall away like cockroaches scurrying from the glow. Thorin staggers and covers his eyes, wondering what wizardry has come upon them now. As instantly as it had come the light vanishes and he blinks in the torchlight, his eyes slowly making out the outline of Gandalf's hat and robe.

"Take up weapons. _Fight!_"

It was not for Orcrist that Thorin springs. As the Goblins scatter before him he slides to his knees before his nephews, pressing Fili aside and pulling Kili into his lap. The dark prince is barely conscious. Grey tinges his face and his lips are parted in harsh, shuddering pants. His brow is furrowed in pain and he lets out a faint keen, clawing weakly at Thorin's leg as his body spasms in anguish.

Fili is shattering before Thorin's eyes. His face is wet with tears and he will not let go of Kili's left hand. He cries and splutters and he is _senseless_, and this frightens Thorin most of all. He might have expected Kili to crumble, but Fili was made to be strong.

_Mahal_, he is losing them both and he does not know how to prevent it.

"Thorin!"

Dwalin hauls him upright and pulls Fili away, ignoring the young prince's kicks and screams. His frantic eyes meet Thorin's and they know they have run out of time.

Kili is limp and lifeless as Thorin scoops him up. He had always been awkward in build – lithe and lean and bony and everything but what an heir of Durin was meant to be. Thorin had tried to ignore it: tried to hide Kili in the shadows as he focused his attention on the younger, more promising prince. Now he fights down a sob as he realizes that it is Kili – foolish, reckless, brave Kili – who is cradled in his arms, pale and listless and drowning in pain. His hand is a mass of blue and black flesh and Thorin cannot bear to look at it.

His nephew will be crushed when he realizes what he has lost.

_Mahal,_ why had he not given Kili reason for confidence beyond his skills before now?

"Thorin! Quickly!"

He pauses one minute longer and he feels as though he has _really_ looked at his nephew for the first time. All gangly limbs, thin fingers and wide brown eyes … so like _Frerin_ that Thorin cannot breathe for a moment. He had sworn he would never make the same mistake, yet all through the years Kili has been pushed aside, ignored and chastised, earning none of the approval he sees showered on his brother. He fought for a destiny he could never earn, knowing all the while that Fili was the one who should have been trained for the throne.

Thorin has never given him reason to believe in anything else.

Oin whips around and drives off the spear slicing towards Kili's chest, and the revelation of imminent danger snaps Thorin out of his daze. With a shout of rage he ducks under Oin's arm, bending to grab Orcrist in one hand before running to catch up with Gloin. He allows the others to defend him, his focus solely on the fragile life sheltered in his arms.

He has already failed Kili all throughout the young one's life. He will not do so again.

"Be strong for me… this one time," Thorin whispered. "I promise…. Things will be different."

He will never again break his word.

* * *

**That turned out darker than I expected…**

**Oh, well – angst lovers unite, and give poor Fili a hug while you're on your way. **

**Reviews = chocolate = happy and inspired Muses. ;)**


End file.
